


I'll Take Whatever Comes With It As Long As It's Yours

by MeredithBrody



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, and jester being supportive, and just really a lot of very subtle ust, really all of the feelings, there is a lot of feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-03-28
Packaged: 2019-12-25 13:55:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18262664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeredithBrody/pseuds/MeredithBrody
Summary: Jester hated when Caleb went and closed himself off from the rest of them, it made it seem like he didn’t trust them and after the situations that they’d been through recently that wasn’t easy for her to take.Caleb and Jester need to have a very serious conversations. Spoilers through ep 56.





	I'll Take Whatever Comes With It As Long As It's Yours

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from "Piece Of Your Heart" by Mayday Parade from their album Sunnyland.

Jester hated when Caleb went and closed himself off from the rest of them, it made it seem like he didn’t trust them and after the situations that they’d been through recently that wasn’t easy for her to take. After the succubus had taken control of him he’d pulled himself back from them and even though they were currently all sharing bedrooms in the imperial palace of the Kryn Empire, Jester wondered if Caleb felt he hadn’t done enough. His face was permanently drawn and she hadn’t been able to make him smile in days.

So she’d made her plan to get him alone. She’d started the drinking competition, only pretending that she was joining in. When Beau and Nott had gotten competitive, dragging Fjord and Yasha in with Caduceus making sure that nobody actually drank themselves to death Jester made a hasty retreat, slipping away to the other room where she found Caleb bent almost double over another book. Completely ignoring the desk in one corner of the room, preferring his spot on the floor where he could idly pet Frumpkin. She smiled automatically as she saw the cat stretch out and land his bright eyes on her. She wouldn’t have very long to watch before Frumpkin would alert him to her presence so she took initiative and stepped up. “Caleb… I think it’s time we talk.” 

“ _ Ja _ ?” He answered but he hadn’t even glanced up from the book he was reading and making notes from. Jester took a chance and put her haversack in front of the book, disrupting his reading and making him look up at her. She didn’t want to start the conversation while he was distracted, and she wanted to try and keep hold of his attention. “I was listening to you.” Caleb complained after a second but now he was looking away she started to move her bag away. 

“But you weren’t really responding and that is important for this.” Jester kept watching him as he closed the book then she slid to the floor beside him, reaching over his legs to give Frumpkin a pat while she gathered her thoughts. Jester knew what she wanted to talk about but presenting it in a way that wouldn’t make Caleb get up and walk away from her was the key. “We need to talk about what happened.”

“Why?” Caleb’s immediate reaction was unsurprising to her but she reached out and put her hand on his arm so he wouldn’t start picking at the scars on them the way he did whenever he got even a little anxious. “Which thing?” He pressed a second later, not pulling away from her hand as he once had but also not being as receptive as he had been before. 

There was a part of Jester that couldn’t believe he wanted her to only talk about one thing. So much had happened in the last few days and Jester needed to let it all out. “All of it! Ever since we were in that well. You and Fjord and Yasha were controlled! You then gave our dodecahedron to the Kryn and saved our lives!” It came out as a more excited rendition of the last few days than Jester actually thought it was. She took a breath and tried to slow herself down. “It’s a lot and you haven’t spoken. To me. To Nott. To anyone. I’m worried about you?” 

“I did not think that it was important.” Caleb looked at her as he spoke and Jester realised that he was being completely genuine, he truly didn’t think the way that he’d been feeling was important and that made Jester even more sad that it had taken her three days to find a way for them to be all alone. She should have done this that first night but she’d just been too happy to be alive to push too hard.

“Of course it’s important!” It came out as a yelp and Frumpkin looked up at her and made a sound that was very similar to what she’d just said. Once again she took a breath and ran her fingers over his arm gently, it was calming for her and given he wasn’t trying to stop her she didn’t think he minded it at all. “You always blame yourself Caleb but it wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t resist what they were making you do and that seems to be true for everything you worry about.”

“You have no idea of all the things I’ve done Jester. Things you can’t even imagine.” Caleb’s voice dropped to barely above a whisper and he couldn’t seem to look away from the floor to meet her eyes. Jester went quiet for a second before sliding her hand down to slide her fingers between his, looking at them before she used her other hand to bring Caleb’s chin up.

“Those don’t matter to me. They are the past and to me you have more than made up for them.” Jester could feel him trying to look away again, try to ignore what she was saying and Nott had always said Jester should let this go but she couldn’t, not today. Caleb saved them and he was still acting like he did something awful to them all, and she wasn’t going to let that continue. “You have saved me, been my friend… That’s what matters.”

Silence fell between them but Jester still kept hold of Caleb’s hand, she had dropped her hand from his chin but he didn’t look away, it seemed like he was trying to figure out how to say what he was thinking. Try to put words into this that he wasn’t sure existed. Jester knew how that felt, she felt like that whenever she spoke to him, she just covered it better. “Would you think the same if I was the one to blame for other things that happened to you?” Jester narrowed her eyes before he finished the thought because she alread knew what was coming. “I hurt you badly.”

“That wasn’t you!” Jester wanted to make him see that and she truly believed that he would never hurt her when he had the choice. She slid her fingers between his in the hand she held and squeezed it tightly. “You have never hurt me, Caleb. But I know I’ve not been the best friend to you and I want to change that.” The fact it had taken her three days to do this was proof of that. “Tell me what you need from me and I’ll be here for it.”

“I just want you to promise me that you’ll never change.” Caleb said without any hesitation. It wasn’t what she’d been expecting and so Jester didn’t have a witty response already prepared for this moment. She instead felt herself staring blankly at him and it was her turn to search for words. “I need you to be you, it gives me something to smile at.”

“I think I can do that.” She could feel her face getting a little hotter at that. Normally she was the one making Caleb blush but he’d found the best way to turn the tables. As she agreed she realised that this was the perfect opportunity for her to get something similar out of him. Something that she wanted him to do that would be hard, but she would be here to help him. “But I want you to promise me something back.” When he didn’t speak she pressed on, hoping he’d still listen. “I want you to stop punishing yourself, because you’re hurting your family and we don’t want that.”

“My family?” A shadow crossing Caleb’s face was plain even to her, but she didn’t let it change her statement. She didn’t know what had happened to Caleb’s other family, she didn’t even think that he wanted to tell them but she knew that they were all a family now. They’d been together for over a year, they were closer than friends. That was what made it work.

“The Mighty Nein. We’re your family and hiding from us just makes us all sad.” Jester said that right as a rambunctious roar from down the hall could be heard and she was momentarily curious what their friends were doing that had lead to such a loud expression of glee. “I mean, not right now. Right now they are all probably drunk. I instigated a drinking game before I came to find you so that nobody would come and listen to what we were saying.” It had worked too. Jester knew her friends, all of them, and that was why she’d known this was needed. “We want you Caleb, you’re part of us. A part of me.”

“You are a part of me too.” He squeezed her hand in the way she had a few moments earlier, and she could feel his thumb moving in gentle circles as they sat another moment in silence, just hearing the distant laughter of the rest of the Nein. “If that’s true maybe we should go and join them.”

“I’m not getting drunk. I will drink my milk and talk with Caduceus.” Jester grinned. Alcohol had never really held an appeal to her and so she found herself watching the rest with Caduceus and talking about their deities. The difference between the Traveller and the Wildmother were interesting. Mostly though, Jester wanted to see Caleb with the others. “It will just be nice to see you with everyone again.”

“I will make more of an effort. For you. It’s all for you.” Caleb smiled and there was a blush rising up in his cheeks now that made her grin too. It was nice to see that again, it had only been a few days but it had seemed so much longer.

“Good.” Jester smiled then stood up, pulling Caleb to his feet as she did. The book he’d been reading falling to the floor forgotten in the moment as they went to join their friends. She hadn’t gotten everything she wanted out of this conversation, but she’d pulled Caleb back to them so it was a job well done, for now.

**Author's Note:**

> So, biggest thanks for this are my best friends Helen and Laura. Helen for getting us both into this ship and Laura for being my special muse fairy. Also giant thanks to [elsinorerose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/elsinorerose/pseuds/elsinorerose) for basically being my favourite widojest writer and you really should go read her stuff because she's great! 
> 
> I hope that this came out as I pictured. It seems like a very long time since I wrote something like this.


End file.
